Let me set the scene – hot day – friday – golf cart is packed with beer and ice …

Enjoy :)

* Par actually stands for “Parden” as in, Parden me while I take this shot again. (and it doesn’t count)
* A triple bogie means I get three extra shots but still count it as a Par.
* Know when it is just “close enough” to the hole and consider it a Par.
* Beer helps the ball stay straight.
* Ice helps the Beer.
* On the water hazard I learnt that golf balls sink but … beer cans float.
* If you don’t strap your bag onto the back of the golf cart … it will fall off while you are driving.
* You can’t actually loose a golf ball, while looking for it you will always find more. If you are a super excellent golfer you will always find many balls.
* Loosing beer is possible and is forbidden. You can’t just wonder off and find more beer, there aren’t magic puddles lying around. Strap down the beer.
* If you fill the back of the cart up with ice you will leave a trail around the course, this is fun and you can reduce your score by 1.
* There are lots of squirrels on golf courses.
* They like the ice.
* So its ok.
* A driver isn’t the name of a club, it is the person who takes you home afterwards.
* What you know as a driver is called a “Digger”. This “device” extracts a chunk of grass as you tee-off and atomizes it and then compresses the grass into your tee, splintering it into a thousand pieces while simultaneously driving the ball into the back of your friends head.
* The above is also known as a “Birdie” – that is what your friends sees for awhile.
* When you hit the ball into a crowd off people you are supposed to shout, “Fore!” …. I prefer “Lets Hide”.
* There are 18 holes on a typical course not 19 – which explains all the cars.
* An “Eagle” is what catches the squirrels.
* Eagles do not like ice.
* If you chase the squirrels they will run away.
* The eagles will not run away.
* They will fly away.
* I don’t like them very much.
* I discovered that the more your drink the more of an super excellent golfer you become.
* When I was finished I was the most super excellent golfer there.
* Blisters are what the golf club give you for free when you leave.

:)

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